Our Merciful God

Submitted by: John (Victorville, CA)

The Lord loves me so much, I had to share this with you.

When I was seven or eight years old my mother took me to a Lord’s table meeting where we saw brother Lee. When the meeting was over, my mother caught me staring at him so she pushed me (literally) to go shake his hand. So I did. I don’t remember the conversation we had, but my mother has told me that he was leaning down and smiling warmly as he spoke to me.

A month prior, my mother had been reached through the saints’ door-knocking.

Fast-forward to December of 2010. I’m married, have four kids and live what I thought was a church life. I lost my job in November and issues seemed to just pile up. Difficulties, when you’re young and single just make you complain. When you have a family depending on you, complaining turns into crying out. So there I am, asking the Lord, ”Why is this happening to us?” and ”Why is my mother fighting her third battle of cancer?”

The Lord is so sovereign. My in-laws knew some young brothers from Mexico (some grads from FTTMexico City) that needed a place to stay for the Winter Training. My wife and kids went to our in-laws and my small apartment was turned into a brothers house for a week. The Lord provided every need! He really used this time; the sanctifying of the home, and the brothers’ fellowship. They live in areas where the drug cartel and police or army have gun fights in broad daylight. This is a normal occurrence. The newspaper can’t report anything without cartel approval or the reporters will be killed.
So wait! They live this life daily, and still have such a relationship with the Lord? Okay, Lord, I’ll never complain again!
After the brothers left, I knew things had to change. I just didn’t know where to start.

My wife suggested that I consider going to San Marcos for GTCA, for a weekend. I started praying. Really, praying. For any decision that had to be made, I put it before the Lord. I’d never done this before. No wonder my life ended up the way it was. I shut the Lord out from so much, and yet had the audacity to question Him. How blind I was.

I went thru the online training videos and read the ministry excerpts that were suggested. It was gradual, but I felt the Lord really taking over my being. I was blessed to spend a weekend with the saints in Vista for the GTCA in San Marcos. It was intense. The Lord really used that time to show me the church! To show me that it was through this living that even my mother and I were gained. I was so excited when I came back, I wanted to be used by God to fulfill His purpose! I started passing out tracts and telling people that they were made to contain God.

I had heard of LivingtoHim.com, so I got on and downloaded all the messages. I was so hungry, listening to them anywhere I could. These messages convicted, encouraged, exposed, shepherded and fed me. I’m beginning to understand now, things like “His permissive will”, and “fragmentary dealings”. Now all I can do is thank Him, in everything, because He is SO merciful to have brought me back! When I see a brother now, I’m just so happy, it’s almost weird! I thank them for the testimony they were to me, and thank them for reflecting Christ to me at a time when I didn’t appreciate it.

The happy ending isn’t that my mother is cured of the cancer or that I’m now a CEO, instead its much better. The fellowship that I now have with my mother and my wife is always fresh and real. In all these years I’ve never studied the Bible with my mother, and just now we’re getting into the real enjoyment of Christ! To gain anything else from any suffering would be in vain.

I heard my wife say on the phone to someone, ”I don’t know WHAT is going on! But, whatever God’s doing with him, I’m just going to step aside and let it happen!”
I realize now that the Lord was just revealing, in His way and in the only way that would penetrate my being, Christ with His church.