A Balanced Marriage with God as the Center

How can we ensure that our marriage remains balanced and regulated? How can we keep our love for our husband or wife fresh?

In The Bridge and Channel of God (ch. 7), Brother Witness Lee points us to the way–taking God as our center and allowing our love to pass through God. He writes,

[Y]oung people are all concerned with the matter of marriage. Marriage is something that God ordained and even takes delight in. However, we must realize that if God is not the center, our marriage will be imbalanced and will lose its regulation. Sooner or later this kind of marriage will have problems. We have seen many young people who initially loved each other very much and got married. Although they loved each other deeply, because neither of them had God within, it was not long before their love lost its balance and became unregulated…

In principle, the relationship between a husband and a wife should have God as its center. As a husband loves his wife and as his wife loves him, both of them should pass through God. This passing through God is the balancing, the regulating….

Young people, no matter whom you marry, you must bring this matter before the Lord. You must allow God to have a part in your marriage, and you must develop a relationship with Him. In this way your marriage will be balanced and regulated.

33 thoughts on “A Balanced Marriage with God as the Center

  1. I enjoyed reading the above passage. It was refreshing. I have been married for a few years now.
    I am struggling feeling like there is a real mismatch in my wife and my interest/burden for the church life and the Lord’s move (eg. GTCA). Anyone have similar experience or been helped in this situation?

    1. Brother, I have found that pulling a spouse forward is actually distructive to both your marriage and her personal walk with the Lord. Just walk with her in her season of life she has with the Lord. I look at the example that God had with Adam. I don’t believe that Jehovah pestered Adam daily to eat of the tree of Life. He just daily walked with Adam. It may take years. But try just walking with her. It is what she needs.

    2. Amen to what brother Kevin said. I have been married going on 6 years now and my husband–though he is a dear believer and a brother in the church life–does NOT have the same “vision” as I do towards the Lord, church life, recovery, practices, etc. I have found that usually when I get frustrated with him because I feel “mis-matched”, the source of that frustration is not the Lord; it is something else, like my own standards, agendas, legalities, etc. This can manifest itself in discord, murmurings, arguments, and worst of all–self pity. Any demands I have placed on my husband, whether implicit or explicit, have only served to damage him. Any time I take the Lord as my contentment and peace and even submission to His arrangement, my husband is watered and cherished.

      I realize that one day when I meet the Lord, if I have not been faithful to the Lord to live Him and express Him, I cannot point the finger to my husband (or children, or job, you fill in the blank) and say, “Well, Lord I couldn’t do this or that because of my husband.” My husband will answer to the Lord as an individual one day, and so shall I. If we take the Lord’s arrangement with gratitude, grace and peace, the Lord will shine on us and give us a way to obey Him according to our circumstances, and the sense of frustration will subside. We will be full of mercy, grace, and love toward our spouse, our hearts will be broadened toward them (as the Lord is broad toward us), and this is the best chance they have of growing a heart / interest for the Lord.

      1. amen:-)…i was supplied ang strengthened as well of your testimony…i thank the Lord within each one of us…light and life are just within us that keep on shining and flowing out for the body

      2. amen ive got some rich dispensing here although i have not yet married.. I enjoyed your fellowship.. this would become one of my preparation for coming marriage.. amen 🙂

    3. I had to consider my to-be-husband as we r getting married dz weekend.though da lord showed me DAT dz z da person I was seeking for a fulltimer as I was not satisfied with his spiritual condition. I really thank da lord hu has made me to go thru dz.may it be a perfect match or mismatch da lord is altogether sovereign n my part z just to c Him on da throne n to be filled by Him n draw da waters from da wells of salvation.lord fill me with peace as I go thru marriage

  2. I also enjoyed reading this. I have been married for ten years. My husband is saved but he is not seeking the lord and is not in the lords recovery. I am not meeting with the saints right now and my only fellowship is with my parents and sibling who live far away but are in the recovery and have been for many years. I am having a hard time following my husband as the head when he is not even comfortable praying with me. we have two daughters also. If anyone has any fellowship or advice in my situation I would love to hear it. Or maybe a good book in the ministry. I just bwegan the Life Study of exodus and am enjoying christ as my shepard.

    1. Hi Pauline,

      I am fully sensing your situation as my situation is much the same. Here is a verse that has encouraged me for some time:
      Heb. 4:16 “Let us come forward with boldness to the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace for timely help” ( I am resting at present time, so I may have missed the exact wording.

      Dear Sister, just know the Lord knows your true situation and I encourage you to keep in fellowship with your parents and siblings and and if any saints who are in the locality you live when you can. Each day keep feeding on the Lord in the word and in the ministry. Believe with all your heart right now and every day that the Lord is working even in your situation.

      As we keep coming forward to the Lord, to call on Him, pray read, touch our spirit, pray, cry out to Him He hears you . Keep asking the Lord to supply, sustain, support, grant you grace for each day.

      Also remember even though you have friends you know or meet that are Christians, but not in the recovery, you can enjoy the Lord with them, just ask the Lord HOW…..many many Christians are hungry to touch the living Lord , and they sometimes have not yet touched there own human spirit. You probably may be the one the Lord will use to just enjoy the Lord with some you come in contact with.

      Dear One just keep turning to enjoy the Lord, and call and call and call on Him for all things, and He will feed you and you shall have more and more growth in LIFE and as your husband sees this LIFE, we shall trust and believe the Lord will give him the desire to go on with our loving Lord.

      I shall stand with you in prayer , we can ask the Lord to bind the strongholds that keep him from going on with Him. Much grace dear Sister in Christ. As for your daughters, pray for them, and believe the Lord’s life in you shall shine forth.

      Sister in Christ,
      Linda 🙂

    2. Dear sister the Lord knows your situation and He wants full household salvation. In the Lord’s eyes He not only sees you but He sees your husband and your children. Right now you are the way for your husband to see the Lord and to desire more of Him. Do what ever it takes to keep your self watered because with same water you water yourself you will water others.

    3. Dear Sis,

      Amen, There are many saints on skype from many continent. Some have no frequent personal contact with the saints like myself. Perhaps you if you have skype you could join us. It has really been helpful and life prevailing. Its very convenient if you have kids too. you could just listen and join in when you are less busy. Look for me on skype. leave a message and i will ask the saints to add you in. Amen Skype name: Gyline2001 (Angela Ankomah)

  3. For all the unmarried saints, if the Lord leads you to get married, I hope that you would pray much for a brother or sister who has a heart for the Lord.

    I can testify that the Lord granted me the grace to marry a sister entirely because of her love for the Lord, despite all of my worldy misgivings, and we have a wonderful marriage life in the Lord and for His purpose on this earth.

    May the Lord continue to gain households for His purpose and His good pleasure that He would have a way to move on this earth to prepare His Bride and hasten His coming!

  4. After reading the brother’s comment above, tears were brought to my eyes as I considered my own marriage. I’m so thankful the Lord allowed my heart (my unrecovered heart at the time) to be torn apart, shattered, and broken from desiring worldly love, so that I could marry my sweet friend who is/was a brother in the Lord’s recovery. Without this brother becoming my husband, I feel as if I would’ve never come into the church life. As we touch the Lord, center our marriage and life on Him, and give our family(no children yet, but we still pray for this) to Him, our love grows higher and deeper and His way in us grows too. Each year is sweeter and I pray, “Lord, don’t let us go! Don’t let us have our own fleshy way! We give You the ground to do all You want in us!!” I believe whether or not your spouse is one with you in this, the Lord has a way. Continue to go to Him, pray this prayer to Him, and enjoy Him. We must remember, Everything is the best that it can be to gain Christ! OH LORD JESUS! GAIN US!!!

  5. A few lines from week 7, day 3 of the HWMR from the recent ITERO (Being a Proper Person in Life to Care for the Church in God’s Administration):

    “The Lord’s way is the way of growth by life.”

    “The way of life is not fast, but eventually we will see that it is not slow. When we have tried to be fast in the past, we have only been delayed, distracted, and defeated. …We must take the way of life.”

    “Even if we truly care only for life, we must be careful not to give others even the impression that we care more for anything else… Life grows on its own; the growth of life is not our doing.”

    They seemed to fit in with the line of fellowship above. If we’re caring for someone with a motive other than dispensing life to them (e.g. bring them to more meetings), then they may be able to sense that in our attitude or speaking. May we all be encouraged and learn to care for nothing but life.

  6. Dear saints, marriage is truly a test for all of us. It is wonderful and ideal to have a companion who matches you in pursuing Christ. Many of us aim for this very thing BUT we don’t always find it happening in our situations. After some time together we often find ourselves in a mis-match!
    Be assured God is sovereign in our circumstances and He is on the throne. This is not a mistake!
    One thing I am continually learning (and still failing at) is to appreciate the positive aspects of my spouse and overlook the negative. There is no need to judge and criticize. There is already one accusing continually. That is Satan. Do we want to be one with him? Definitely not!
    Bring your dear one to the Lord in prayer each day. Bring your own heart to the Lord also. Ask the Lord to grow in you both and add Himself to you both. It is God who causes the growth. Thank You Lord.

    1. Thank you so much saints, for such a supply and light in this fellowship. It is GOD who causes the growth! That means I need to depend on him to cause growth and transformation in both my spouse and myself. I am exposed that often I am just natural in my way of trying to help my spouse grow more, and independent of God. No wonder He feels pressure when I try to get him to pray with me or to share what he enjoyed; it’s from my natural life. Lord, forgive me for my still having so much dependence on myself; we trust You to give the growth to both ourselves and our family members.

  7. It is my prayer that all married ones would learn to take the way of life in our marriages.That is the only way we can actually be normal.I just want to emphasis that we should not forget the fact that our marriage life impacts so much on the church life and so all couples should be careful to keep the lord in the center of the marriages to be normal and properly regulated.The Lord bless all the marraiges and all the saints.

  8. Sometimes we think we are alone in our situations. Actually many of us are going through the same. I’m so encourage by this portion of ministry and by the replies. God is sovereign, and our need is to be persons of prayer. Bringing our spouse to the Lord. Amen.

  9. I thank GOD that I saw these comments I really needed to see this. I have been seeking the Lord for quite some time now and HE has blessed us with 3 beautiful and the strain of raising the 3 has really damage my household I just need pray from ya

  10. I thank GOD that I saw these comments I really needed to see this. I have been seeking the Lord for quite some time now and HE has blessed us with 3 beautiful girls and the strain of raising my 3 girls has really damage my household in reference to enjoying the Lord I just need pray from ya

  11. Husband or wife, no matter good or bad, loving the Lord or not loving the Lord, is from the Lord to grind away the element of the old man in us so that we may be transformed day by day. Someone like me, who don’t have a husband, don’t even have much opportunity to be ground and be transformed, and I just feel the self in the old man is growing stronger and stronger…
    Be thankful, saints for what the Lord has given to you:-)

  12. I used to think I am more advanced than my husband spirtually, but the truth is that I am just as childish as he is. You see little kids pointing fingers to each others, and blaming others do the wrong things. I maybe a 5 year old , and he is 3, even I win the arguments, we are still very childish! So the solution for us is to grow in life. At least, one of us needs to take the lead. And since I have read these helpful responses, I am telling the Lord I am willing!

  13. The fellowship is always a way! I am so thankful for comments above. I prayed before marriage a lot for my spouse but my marriage seems to be a mismatch and many times I wondered what went wrong. I am really thankful to you who were open enough to ask a genuine question about your marriage problem situation as I can see I am not the only struggling. We had good start in our marriage but slowly, yet more and more, my husband was drifted away from church life by work. as he is a bread winner and the head of the family I am confused how to follow him and how far I should follow him as it seems in contadiction with following the Lord.He wants to participate in church events but at the end he changes arrangments last moment and none of us go to a meeting or a conference. I feel already tired by this situation, lonely, and discourage as it has been going for years. We have two lovely kids, still small but sweet -last time they cried as we were late for meeting and they didn’t want to miss children gathering….I enjoy The Lord with them much more than with my husband as they love to sing and to pray and bible stories and they are with me while day unlikely my husband who is hardly at home…..
    I myself sens I grow more and more bitter about my situation and I love reminder in one of the comments above that I should take care about my heart instead of my finger to point it at my spouse. I thought I was mature enough to deal with situation -I ve been in recovery for over 20 years – but I found myself childish….. Anyway, That’s not numbers of years that make difference but the genuine touch with The Lord. Bible says the last can become the first and vice versa…. I have this sensation The Lord should be my focus not my situation only I am still trapped to focus on surroundings more than on Him……

  14. Dear Sister (post March 30, 2013 at 11:28 pm):

    The God of all comfort is in you and is interceding for you and your family through His members. Stay supplied by your renewed genuine touch with the Lord and His living light will scatter all your night within.

    Hymn 645

    O Soul, are you weary and troubled?
    No light in the darkness you see?
    There’s light for a look at the Savior,
    And life more abundant and free


    Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
    Look full in His wonderful face,
    And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
    In the light of His glory and grace.

    Praying for you,

    Shreveport, LA

    1. Thank you sister for your prayer. It’s good to know someone is standing with me and for me in prayer, in the midst of dark valley I am passing through …. I just cannot see light, any light, and feel completely lost … Thank you for your attention and reply. It means a lot….

  15. I am in church life but my Husband is not….

    My marriage is getting worst and worst day by day

    we lost love in our relationship

    it is soo frustating for me

    i am not even in local church becoz the place ver i stay has no ground of local church

    soo crictical sitution

    1. My husband is not in recovery. He is opposing me that im in recovery. Im a churchkid growing with the saints, attending and active of some conferences and meetings in the church. Last 2002, I come here in Europe and work..and since theres no churchlife in here during that time..my love towards the meeting was lost..In short i was wandering and walking without the life of Christ..Years later i met my husband..my husband is the one that turned me to seek Christ..I thought my marriage will be over .. wer together for more than 10 years now..we have two kids..last 2011 the Lord showed me that He is real, true and available..Our Lord that we have is real , He will supply behind the scene , behind our terrible situation that we thought we cannot do it anymore. Our Lord is so sweet waiting for so long for us to come and kneel to Him. Dont struggle it by yourself , give it to the Lord. Instead of blaming someone or our husband for our situation , go to the Lord and talk to Him..Our Lord is a great lover, waiting for us for sooo long!

      1. Dear sister in Christ, Yes the Lord is so sweet and good to take Him in. I got the experience in the way after I got divorce.
        It was not easy BUT with Him we can live and be supply with all His riches. It is seven years that I can see His grace.
        Sister let us look unto Him and PRAISE HIM!! for everything.

  16. I knew it! At times I had considered that I was the only one going through a rough time in marriage life for the church life… BUT likewise, at times I was compelled to pray for other couples going through similar situations though I do not know who they are, however, the Spirit knows! I’m extremely encouraged to read from this post! I”ve been helped greatly… From not pushing my husband to be more for the Lord to knowing and realizing and being reminded that our Lord is on the Throne. One brother shared that” we may feel that our choosing of a spouse was a mistake after the fact,” he goes on to mention – even if we made a mistake the Lord is sovereign in that mistake… Another brother once mentioned – married saints, do you think your flesh is better than your spouses flesh? While another once said – why do couples fight? It’s because both parties think they are right. Oh Lord forgive me for being “right”… what a shame! I need to care for LIFE and only LIFE… I find when I’m just enjoying the Lord everything is the best that it could be… I become clear, sympathetic and understanding… and even prayerful for my spouse. I also have been shinned upon, although not perfected but I pursue, not to beat up my spouse with the ministry considering that approach was to “help”. I used to apply: “nothing can frustrate one who is enjoying the Lord” to my beloved after realizing that my “enjoyment” was so shallow? Why? Because I was bothered that he was bothered… so who was not enjoying ? O how wonderful the Lord is as His dealings… well, what can I say but Praise the Lord!!!

    After all, we are all female in the Lord’s eyes and He is our real Husband! We love You dear precious, lovely Bridegroom!!! Continue to prep us… Yes Lord we give You the openness you require in order to continue to wrought Yourself into us making us the same as You are to become Your Bride, Your counterpart, expression, enlargement… We love You Lord Jesus!!!

  17. Amen! I appreciate this post. The Lord is Sovereign. We all just need more Christ. We need to enjoy the Lord and we will not be frustrated. The Lord will make our Patmos relationship and our firey furnace a very pleasant place to be! T y Lord for your Mercy! for all flesh is as filthy rags. Wrought your Spirit into us, completely occupy, SUBDUE…

  18. I have an irresponsible husband he is a brother in the church life…to me its not easy to have peace in home..am not happy..i love the Lord …but i dont’ know how to be one with my brother husband that not provides the needs of his home and always threatens to leave the family

    I feel my marriage is hopeless

    1. Dear Sister,it’s а pity for your situation in your marrige life, you need a sister to pray for it,a companion,then the Lord maybe open your husband for fellowship with the brothers in the church,amen.

    2. Dear sister. Much grace be with you. When one member suffers, all of the members suffer with it. May the Lord have a way through the prayers of the saints to operate in your home and family in a most holy, healing and living way. The bountiful supply of grace can enable us to live in and flourish in the Lord’a resurrection life in even the most difficult situations. We just need the Lord to raise the level of the life supply. May the Lord supply you and your family bountifully. Though it’s so hard (and even painful at times) to be so pressed, out from our sufferings flows forth the fresh oil that eventually becomes a supply to the body. As the Lord was pressed in the garden of Gethsemane (which literally means oil press), we too suffer this pressing day by day. But with the pressing there is a supply of grace to endure and out from the pressing flows forth most precious and costly oil to the Lord. May the Lord cover you and your household, give you peace, supply you in and through the body, and bring you forth by the bountiful supply of His resurrection life. We stand with you and your family in prayer.

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