November 11, 2010 
How can we ensure that our marriage remains balanced and regulated? How can we keep our love for our husband or wife fresh?
In The Bridge and Channel of God (ch. 7), Brother Witness Lee points us to the way–taking God as our center and allowing our love to pass through God. He writes,
[Y]oung people are all concerned with the matter of marriage. Marriage is something that God ordained and even takes delight in. However, we must realize that if God is not the center, our marriage will be imbalanced and will lose its regulation. Sooner or later this kind of marriage will have problems. We have seen many young people who initially loved each other very much and got married. Although they loved each other deeply, because neither of them had God within, it was not long before their love lost its balance and became unregulated…
In principle, the relationship between a husband and a wife should have God as its center. As a husband loves his wife and as his wife loves him, both of them should pass through God. This passing through God is the balancing, the regulating….
Young people, no matter whom you marry, you must bring this matter before the Lord. You must allow God to have a part in your marriage, and you must develop a relationship with Him. In this way your marriage will be balanced and regulated.
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I enjoyed reading the above passage. It was refreshing. I have been married for a few years now.
I am struggling feeling like there is a real mismatch in my wife and my interest/burden for the church life and the Lord’s move (eg. GTCA). Anyone have similar experience or been helped in this situation?
Brother, I have found that pulling a spouse forward is actually distructive to both your marriage and her personal walk with the Lord. Just walk with her in her season of life she has with the Lord. I look at the example that God had with Adam. I don’t believe that Jehovah pestered Adam daily to eat of the tree of Life. He just daily walked with Adam. It may take years. But try just walking with her. It is what she needs.
Amen to what brother Kevin said. I have been married going on 6 years now and my husband–though he is a dear believer and a brother in the church life–does NOT have the same “vision” as I do towards the Lord, church life, recovery, practices, etc. I have found that usually when I get frustrated with him because I feel “mis-matched”, the source of that frustration is not the Lord; it is something else, like my own standards, agendas, legalities, etc. This can manifest itself in discord, murmurings, arguments, and worst of all–self pity. Any demands I have placed on my husband, whether implicit or explicit, have only served to damage him. Any time I take the Lord as my contentment and peace and even submission to His arrangement, my husband is watered and cherished.
I realize that one day when I meet the Lord, if I have not been faithful to the Lord to live Him and express Him, I cannot point the finger to my husband (or children, or job, you fill in the blank) and say, “Well, Lord I couldn’t do this or that because of my husband.” My husband will answer to the Lord as an individual one day, and so shall I. If we take the Lord’s arrangement with gratitude, grace and peace, the Lord will shine on us and give us a way to obey Him according to our circumstances, and the sense of frustration will subside. We will be full of mercy, grace, and love toward our spouse, our hearts will be broadened toward them (as the Lord is broad toward us), and this is the best chance they have of growing a heart / interest for the Lord.
I also enjoyed reading this. I have been married for ten years. My husband is saved but he is not seeking the lord and is not in the lords recovery. I am not meeting with the saints right now and my only fellowship is with my parents and sibling who live far away but are in the recovery and have been for many years. I am having a hard time following my husband as the head when he is not even comfortable praying with me. we have two daughters also. If anyone has any fellowship or advice in my situation I would love to hear it. Or maybe a good book in the ministry. I just bwegan the Life Study of exodus and am enjoying christ as my shepard.
Hi Pauline,
I am fully sensing your situation as my situation is much the same. Here is a verse that has encouraged me for some time:
Heb. 4:16 “Let us come forward with boldness to the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace for timely help” ( I am resting at present time, so I may have missed the exact wording.
Dear Sister, just know the Lord knows your true situation and I encourage you to keep in fellowship with your parents and siblings and and if any saints who are in the locality you live when you can. Each day keep feeding on the Lord in the word and in the ministry. Believe with all your heart right now and every day that the Lord is working even in your situation.
As we keep coming forward to the Lord, to call on Him, pray read, touch our spirit, pray, cry out to Him He hears you . Keep asking the Lord to supply, sustain, support, grant you grace for each day.
Also remember even though you have friends you know or meet that are Christians, but not in the recovery, you can enjoy the Lord with them, just ask the Lord HOW…..many many Christians are hungry to touch the living Lord , and they sometimes have not yet touched there own human spirit. You probably may be the one the Lord will use to just enjoy the Lord with some you come in contact with.
Dear One just keep turning to enjoy the Lord, and call and call and call on Him for all things, and He will feed you and you shall have more and more growth in LIFE and as your husband sees this LIFE, we shall trust and believe the Lord will give him the desire to go on with our loving Lord.
I shall stand with you in prayer , we can ask the Lord to bind the strongholds that keep him from going on with Him. Much grace dear Sister in Christ. As for your daughters, pray for them, and believe the Lord’s life in you shall shine forth.
Sister in Christ,
Linda
Dear sister the Lord knows your situation and He wants full household salvation. In the Lord’s eyes He not only sees you but He sees your husband and your children. Right now you are the way for your husband to see the Lord and to desire more of Him. Do what ever it takes to keep your self watered because with same water you water yourself you will water others.
For all the unmarried saints, if the Lord leads you to get married, I hope that you would pray much for a brother or sister who has a heart for the Lord.
I can testify that the Lord granted me the grace to marry a sister entirely because of her love for the Lord, despite all of my worldy misgivings, and we have a wonderful marriage life in the Lord and for His purpose on this earth.
May the Lord continue to gain households for His purpose and His good pleasure that He would have a way to move on this earth to prepare His Bride and hasten His coming!
After reading the brother’s comment above, tears were brought to my eyes as I considered my own marriage. I’m so thankful the Lord allowed my heart (my unrecovered heart at the time) to be torn apart, shattered, and broken from desiring worldly love, so that I could marry my sweet friend who is/was a brother in the Lord’s recovery. Without this brother becoming my husband, I feel as if I would’ve never come into the church life. As we touch the Lord, center our marriage and life on Him, and give our family(no children yet, but we still pray for this) to Him, our love grows higher and deeper and His way in us grows too. Each year is sweeter and I pray, “Lord, don’t let us go! Don’t let us have our own fleshy way! We give You the ground to do all You want in us!!” I believe whether or not your spouse is one with you in this, the Lord has a way. Continue to go to Him, pray this prayer to Him, and enjoy Him. We must remember, Everything is the best that it can be to gain Christ! OH LORD JESUS! GAIN US!!!
A few lines from week 7, day 3 of the HWMR from the recent ITERO (Being a Proper Person in Life to Care for the Church in God’s Administration):
“The Lord’s way is the way of growth by life.”
“The way of life is not fast, but eventually we will see that it is not slow. When we have tried to be fast in the past, we have only been delayed, distracted, and defeated. …We must take the way of life.”
“Even if we truly care only for life, we must be careful not to give others even the impression that we care more for anything else… Life grows on its own; the growth of life is not our doing.”
They seemed to fit in with the line of fellowship above. If we’re caring for someone with a motive other than dispensing life to them (e.g. bring them to more meetings), then they may be able to sense that in our attitude or speaking. May we all be encouraged and learn to care for nothing but life.
Dear saints, marriage is truly a test for all of us. It is wonderful and ideal to have a companion who matches you in pursuing Christ. Many of us aim for this very thing BUT we don’t always find it happening in our situations. After some time together we often find ourselves in a mis-match!
Be assured God is sovereign in our circumstances and He is on the throne. This is not a mistake!
One thing I am continually learning (and still failing at) is to appreciate the positive aspects of my spouse and overlook the negative. There is no need to judge and criticize. There is already one accusing continually. That is Satan. Do we want to be one with him? Definitely not!
Bring your dear one to the Lord in prayer each day. Bring your own heart to the Lord also. Ask the Lord to grow in you both and add Himself to you both. It is God who causes the growth. Thank You Lord.
Amen! Marriage without God as the center will surely fail.
It is my prayer that all married ones would learn to take the way of life in our marriages.That is the only way we can actually be normal.I just want to emphasis that we should not forget the fact that our marriage life impacts so much on the church life and so all couples should be careful to keep the lord in the center of the marriages to be normal and properly regulated.The Lord bless all the marraiges and all the saints.
Sometimes we think we are alone in our situations. Actually many of us are going through the same. I’m so encourage by this portion of ministry and by the replies. God is sovereign, and our need is to be persons of prayer. Bringing our spouse to the Lord. Amen.
I thank GOD that I saw these comments I really needed to see this. I have been seeking the Lord for quite some time now and HE has blessed us with 3 beautiful and the strain of raising the 3 has really damage my household I just need pray from ya
I thank GOD that I saw these comments I really needed to see this. I have been seeking the Lord for quite some time now and HE has blessed us with 3 beautiful girls and the strain of raising my 3 girls has really damage my household in reference to enjoying the Lord I just need pray from ya